Senior Moments
page 1....
1. An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her,
so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise
that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you,
we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster
and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .please advise"
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"

2. When I went to lunch today,
I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out.
I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes,
sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

3. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.